


Steven's Glock

by orphan_account



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Anarchism, Based on a Tumblr Post, Character Death, Communism, Crack, Gen, Guns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 02:28:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4589562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amethyst teaches Steven about direct action.</p>
<p>Inspired by <a href="http://commmemeism.tumblr.com/post/124712008115/pearl-hello-steven-with-peridot-on-the-loose-ive">this</a> post.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Steven's Glock

Steven was vibrating with anticipation.

_With Peridot on the loose, I’ve decided to take extra measures to keep you safe_ , Pearl had said. _So I’m giving you something_.

He could hear her walking up the steps.

“Well, Steven,” Pearl smiled. “Here it is.” She placed a small brown box on his bed.

Steven tore it open as fast as he could. Normally he took his time with presents, but Crystal Gem stuff was a special case.

He gazed in awe at the object inside. “Wow!” he gasped. “Is it magic Gem powers?”

“Goodness, no!” Pearl laughed. “It’s a Glock.”

Steven wasn’t sure what that meant, but if Pearl was giving it to him, it had to be good. “What does it do?”

“Well, first you hold it by the handle and point it at someone threatening you.” Pearl demonstrated, brandishing the gun at an imaginary enemy standing outside the window. “Then you pull this bit here-” she tapped the trigger with her free hand- “and put a hole in them!”

The gun went off and shattered the window.

Pearl jumped and looked guiltily at the remains. “Oh dear,” she sighed. “I didn’t know it was loaded…”

“What the heck’s going on?” Amethyst charged up the stairs and flopped on the bed. Her eyes flicked between the broken window and the gun in Pearl’s hand.

“Oh great. P’s finally lost it.”

“Amethyst!” snapped Pearl. “It’s not my gun, it’s Steven’s. A shield can only do so much, and with that _horrible_ Peridot on the loose, he needs to remain safe…”

Amethyst wasn’t listening. An idea had formed in her head.

She sidled over to Steven and tapped him on the shoulder.

“Hey, Steven,” she whispered. “Want me to show you how to use that sucker?”

Stars shone in the young boy’s eyes. He nodded furiously.

“Hey, Pearl?” he interrupted. “Can I have my gun now?”

“What? Oh, yes, certainly.” Pearl gingerly placed the weapon on top of the TV, making sure it was facing away from anything, and left Steven’s bedroom.

Steven raced over to the TV and grabbed the gun. “Okay, Amethyst! I’m ready!”

“I sure hope so.” Amethyst grinned and shapeshifted a balaclava onto her face. “Cause we’re takin’ over this town.”

* * *

Mayor Dewey was sitting in his chair, feet on his desk, enjoying some well-deserved downtime. Then the door to his office flew off its hinges.

Amethyst strode in, glaring venomously at him.

Dewey hastily repositioned himself and put on his best schmoozing face. “Ah, M-Miss Amethyst!” he began. “How can I help you?” Under his desk, he reached for the panic button. Let the cops deal with armed and dangerous aliens.

Amethyst leapt across the desk, karate kicked the mayor into a wall, and lifted him into the air, the Glock pressed into his temple.

Steven watched in awe. This was the _coolest thing ever_.

“You can help me,” Amethyst spat, “by earning your keep like the rest of the proles.” She cast a disgusted look around the room. “Steven’s dad does actual work, and he lives in a friggin’ _van_. How much did all those paintings cost, huh?”

There was an awkward silence.

“Well?!” Amethyst tightened her grip around the mayor’s throat.

Dewey’s mind raced. They didn’t warn you about communist insurrections when you took office.

“No idea, huh? Figures.” Amethyst dropped Dewey, who curled into the fetal position. “Tch, you’re pathetic. Get out of my sight.”

Dewey picked himself up off the floor and ran for his life.

Steven had been feeling increasingly uncomfortable for the last few minutes. “Amethyst, wasn’t that a little… mean?”

Amethyst plopped herself into the mayor’s chair and sighed. “You know what’s really mean, Steven? Capitalism.”

Steven was puzzled. “What’s capitalism?” he asked.

“A nice way of saying ‘wage slavery’. I’d tell you to read _Capital_ , but it’s kinda long.” Amethyst closed her eyes. “C’mon, Steven. We gotta go tell the proles that their bosses won’t be skimming off the top anymore.”

* * *

Beach City (or the Free Territory of Delmarva, as Amethyst insisted on calling it) had been radically changed. Nearly every building had a hammer and sickle or circle A inscribed on it. All the businesses had been transformed into co-ops. A red and black flag flew over the mayor’s office.

“AMETHYST!!”

Pearl had finally caught up to the two Gems. “What _is_ all…” she gestured at the newly collectivized town- “this?!”

“What does it _look_ like?” Amethyst rolled her eyes. “Freedom.”

“We don’t have _time_ for your little escapades!” Pearl glared at Amethyst. “Do you _honestly_ think the human government will let this go?! Now we’ve got to fight a two-front war against them _and_ Homeworld!”

Amethyst glared back at her. “If you were a _real_ communist and not some tankie, you’d know the war and the revolution are inseparable!”

“And if _you_ were a real communist and not some anarcho-liberal,” Pearl shot back, “you wouldn’t be spewing this idealist garbage! There’s no way you’re going to able to defend this little commune of yours. People are going to die, all because of you and your bourgeois individualism!”

Amethyst growled at Pearl, summoning her whip. Pearl summoned her spear in response.

“What,” Amethyst sneered, “left your ice pick at home?”

Pearl ground her teeth. “SHUT UP!” she screamed, and charged at Amethyst.

Steven watched with horror. Everything was going wrong. “No!” he wailed, lunging between the two.

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion.

Amethyst’s whip wrapped around Steven, sending him skidding to a halt.

Pearl, unable to stop in time, jammed the spear through his chest.

* * *

Garnet gasped as her eyes snapped open.

“Well?” Pearl asked nervously. “What did you see?”

Garnet gave her a haunted look. “ _Please_ don’t give him the gun.”

Pearl nodded. Clearly Garnet didn’t want to talk about it. Clutching the package to her chest, Pearl headed out of the Temple.

Garnet turned to the man sitting next to her. “It was horrible, Slavoj.” Her voice broke. “Amethyst collectivized the city, and then she and Pearl tried to kill each other…”

“It’s all right.” Slavoj Zizek shushed her. “It will not happen now.” He sniffed.

“I tell you, that- Amethyst, was it?”

Garnet nodded.

“Amethyst…” Zizek continued. “She *sniff* will come to a bad end. She means well, but my God! That woman _reeks_ of ideology!”

“I know,” Garnet replied. “I worry about her- Pearl too.”

The door banged open and Amethyst walked in, her arms full of bruised fruit. “I heard that!” She tossed a plastic basket of strawberries into the air and gulped it down.

Garnet held her nose. “Have you been dumpster diving again?”

Amethyst thought for a moment. “…yeah?”

Zizek gagged. “For God’s sake, woman!” he choked. “Take a bath!”

Amethyst rolled her eyes and walked off to her room.

_Whatever, dude. Cleanliness is a spook anyway._


End file.
